In between trying to motivate my lazy staff to do some work and looking through Rob’s “Great Graphic Novels You Should Read” articles, I had to make everyone’s breakfast, clean the house, mow the lawn and tend after a post operation wife. Luckily I still had time to do some comic work while my daughter was asleep and the chores were done. This was was written by Andrew Roper. Doubt if I’ll hear from the lazy bastard for a few weeks now, due to the sheer exhaustion of so much writing and being bloody pedantic about all my other ideas.
Yes it’s that time for another Cape Lifting. This time, The Punisher meets his match.
See all the other Cape Lifting comics HERE
I don’t like football so I’m one of the few people that are glad England have pathetically limped out of this silly game so we can go back to normality. But I am sad for the fans who put their heart and soul into and feel the black cloud of abject disappointment over their heads. This is probably why it’s every four years, because it takes that long to get over the depression and forget why you shouldn’t get so excited to see them kick a bag of air about. Football fans need to take a note from the Eurovision fans. They don’t care if we win and enjoy all the block voting and politics that aren’t supposed to be part of it.
So for those of you who are feeling sad and blue, I have the perfect antidote. A special world cup edition of Cape Lifting. I know, but no need to thank me.
Well my comic book empire is firing along on half a cylinder. It started off with just me and now I have a staff of three. Let me introduce them.
Mike Belgrave is Editor in Chief of Meanwhile Comix. In many ways the Stan Lee of the franchise, in hiring other talented people and sticking his name on the top, if Stan Lee wore a dress. He will often be found doing both adult and children’s shows around the country scaring both indiscriminately. The other members of the team are too dysfunctional to argue evidently as they have not noticed he cannot spell the word comics properly.
Nik is Head Artist at Meanwhile Comix. Named because he is the best artist on the team. If I can find anyone better he will be demoted back to tea boy. As well as drawing better than Editor in Chief Mike Belgrave and writing jokes for Cape Lifting it is also his job to accuse people of having sex against their preferred choice. If you are a man that like to sleep with ladies he will accuse you of enjoying cock. If you are a gay man then he will accuse you of really wanting to pull women at Tiger Tiger. Lesbian you enjoy cock, hetero woman enjoys fanny, bisexuals prefer animals, zoophiles enjoy humans and paedophiles should be shot, hung, drawn, quartered, run over and then told off.
Rob is a principle writer and human comic book encyclopedia at Meanwhile Comix. It is his job to complain about anybody else doing comic book material on the comedy circuit and endlessly go on about the poor quality of his Edinburgh fringe brochure photo. Editor in Chief Mike Belgrave puts up with this as he believes it’s a bizarre thought process because Rob will suddenly blurt out brilliant ideas and jokes for Cape Lifting.
Andrew is head of Pedantic Studies at Meanwhile Comix. It is his job to nit-pick over
every tiny detail to drive the team to despair which Editor in Chief Mike Belgrave thinks he does mainly for sexual gratification. For example, when Editor in Chief presented the first Cape Lifting Andrew said, “Why is Superman wearing a watch?” in Cape Lifting with the The Flash flashing in a park Andrew said, “Why is The Flash wearing a coat?” He has actually contributed to Cape Lifting but takes the phrase, “and then I took the rest of the day off” quite literally and goes to sleep through the sheer exhaustion of coming up with a one line joke.
Here’s the latest offering from the team. Cape Lifting 03 – The Flash
Dunderhead Belgrave didn’t think to check if the name Comics on Comics was already used and I got a twitter message from the makers of another podcast with the same name. Rob Deb emailed me a list of the top ten comic book podcast and none of their titles were particularly inventive. I don’t mean that in an insulting way, I mean some of them you’d have no idea they were a comic book podcast, but they still have thousands of hits. I think I was too set in my ways to have a podcast name that said what was on the tin.
So I’ve changed it to
Me: I’d like to pay the emission zone charge. But I need to know if I went in before midnight.
Bellend: We can’t tell you that information.
Me: But I need to know. I don’t want to get a fine.
Bellend: We have no access to the cameras.
Me: So if I pay two charges will I get a refund?
Bellend: No, once you pay, the records are deleted.
Me: There must be someone somewhere that can check.
Bellend: No, no one has access to the cameras.
Me: So how do you know how to charge someone a fine?
Bellend: The computer sends an automatic fine?
Me: Is there way you can record that I’ve made an enquiry so if the fine turns up I can just pay the daily charge.
Bellend: No once it’s a fine you have to pay that?
Me: So there is absolutely one anywhere that can help me? I just have to pay the charge whether I went in or not? £100 is a lot of money to me.
Bellend: No there is no one. No one had access to the cameras or the information.
I put the phone down flabbergasted that a multi-million pound making scheme is so badly organised. The problem with this little jobsworth is, they could have helped. There are always ways around these things. They just simply couldn’t be bothered. I was in the zone for about two hours and just wanted to pay like a good little boy, but they couldn’t be bothered to be vaguely helpful. Shame on you London Transport for your poor system and badly trained morons on the phone.
So like most comedians I have started a podcast. Yianni Agisilaou took the piss out of me when we drove to a gig together recently because I kept mentioning how I was ahead of my time with so many things and should have stuck with them. He’s right to take the piss of course, because now I’m finally getting round to doing a podcast it will look like I’m jumping on the band wagon rather than being the pioneer that I am.
So I checked out some online videos, bought some clip on mics and for a few quid turned my cheap digital recorder into a multi microphone podcasting kit. As I was getting lots of nice compliment about my comic I also discovered that a lot of the comedians I know also read comics. This got me thinking, how many times have I talked and talked and talked about comics to other comedians? And how many hours have we wasted with absolute gems of conversations based on comics? Probably none, but I’m optimistic.
So I got Nik Coppin to pop over for beef stew and a few glasses of red wine and gin and tonic and did our first podcast. Yes I’m a bit drunk, yes we take a long time to actually talk about comics, yes we go off at tangents, yes the recorder ran out half way through, yes the mic could be closer to my mouth, yes the volume could be a bit louder, but what can I say? Perhaps only I notice these things because I’m a perfectionist.
It’s been edited down and is now available for subscription on iTunes.
And I’ve been abusy boy as I’ve also completed another Cape Lifting.